Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Many of us are quite familiar with Kübler-Ross’ 5 stages of grief. It always comes to mind when we confront the death of a loved one. Allowances are given during this emotional roller coaster. We try to understand the grief of the affected by using this model. We stop judging, we start understanding.
A loss of a loved one does not only come with death. As long as you love someone, and destiny decides otherwise, it is still a loss. Kübler-Ross’ stages of grief can be very well related to relationship break ups as well. As part of society today, we do take matters of the heart rather lightly. We expect people to rise above a break up as if it’s a normal occurrence in life. Yes, indeed it is. It is though as delicate as death, maybe worst. When a loved one is taken away from you, versus one who chooses not to have you in their lives, I say that the latter is worst.
When our significant other ends the relationship. We tend to brush it off, comforting ourselves that it is infact a normal argument. Our mind doesn’t take well to the fact that it is a thing of the past. We cling on hoping for a miracle everyday. Everyday we face dissapointment and remarks from our family and friends insisting that we move on. This is denial.
After realizing that the one we love has literally denied our very existence, we find ways to justify. The blame of how things went wrong is shifted to the other party. We respond in anger to our daily situations. We revert our anger to the ones closest to us. It is not a choice of emotion that we are aware of, on the contrary it is quite uncontrollable. It feels like a fire inside that keeps consuming everything.
Once the fire resides, we tend to over analyze the situation. We try to find that blind spot that we have missed that we presume can set things in motion again.The mindset that if we try to sacrifice a particular part of ourselves, things will be better again becomes our daily mantra. All those romantic comedies that often portray couples getting back together, gives us a false sense of hope. We bargain, we ask, why not us?
All hope is lost. The will to wake up everyday feels like a task, that we don’t know we can accomplish. We feel as if we’re a failure, as if we’ve dissapointed everyone. Everything bad that takes place feels like a personal vendetta against us. This goes on for quite some time.
We wake up one day and realize what a mess we’ve been. It’s like we are finally standing out of the box and watching our own nightmare. We accept the fact that life has to go on and we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for. We push ourselves to different heights and challenge ourselves for the better. We accept that things just didn’t work out and we finally move on.
The transition between depression and acceptance is not an easy one. It requires a lot of emotional and moral support. People who love and understand us keep us moving forward. It is almost impossible to do it on our own. During my Kübler-Ross moment, what helped me in this transition were my family and amazing friends around me who never let go of my hand. They held me and walked me through the thorny road.
All of us at some point in our lives, go through these 5 stages of grief. Yet, we don’t realize or recognize it when we see others experiencing it. Our society today can be a judgmental one instead of an understanding community. The human mind and emotion is undeniably very abstract. We can never understand it entirely, but patterns like this help us to. Relationship break ups and patches is an everyday affair today. Although so, it does not mean it makes it any easier. Understand and lend a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on. We can make a difference in the smallest manner by just understanding.
Did you have your own moment?